Writer,
Wife,
Worrywart.
It's also hard to be a window. They shatter all the time.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Warning
This email communication and any files transmitted with it contain privileged and confidential information from the Horses Mouth and are intended solely for the use of the individuals or entity to whom the Horse has spoken. If you are not the intended recipient, you are hereby asked to please delete it and give the Horse a carrot. Horses like carrots. And sugarcubes. And alfalfa.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Adventures (of) Ardent Alliterator
The future, said AA, is not bleak. The future is free.
Examinations, AA said, shouldn't make you disappointingly poetic. Ecstatic, he said, instead.
He always bracketed his thoughts this way. His bleak outlook was perfectly framed by the little 'not,is' statements. Ardent loved these word games. He was woefully willful when words wandered weepily, without meaning, without family. Family, he said frequently, fortifies the fervently flung phrases.
Ardent, despite his penchant for sounding humourous, was barely able to lift his lips to smile. Smiling, he said, is like sitting for a portrait and not knowing if you've got 20 bucks to pay the artist.
Sometimes, if no one was listening, AA would compulse himself into a compositional coma, collecting, coining, combining courted words into hammocks, slung 'twixt two trees--his tongue and his imagination.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
To: You
From: Me
It was a sunny day with not a cloud in the sky, not a wrinkle in the earth. 'Twas a day of pristine beauty, of twelve-different-shades-of-wonderful. There were birds that flit bush-to-bush, and sand creatures that scattered, once uponed.
It was a day of me-without-you, however. And that made it only half a day. There were no clouds in the sky, save for the ones that hung, ever-present to balance your never-present. The earth was wrinkled and angry, it swallowed me whole. The birds flit as if to say, we are where we want to be, we are not with you, as she is not with you. And the scattering sand creatures--who knows with them?
It was a sunny day with not a cloud in the sky, not a wrinkle in the earth. 'Twas a day of pristine beauty, of twelve-different-shades-of-wonderful. There were birds that flit bush-to-bush, and sand creatures that scattered, once uponed.
It was a day of me-without-you, however. And that made it only half a day. There were no clouds in the sky, save for the ones that hung, ever-present to balance your never-present. The earth was wrinkled and angry, it swallowed me whole. The birds flit as if to say, we are where we want to be, we are not with you, as she is not with you. And the scattering sand creatures--who knows with them?
Sunday, September 6, 2009
tips for a sickie
Avoid eye contact, this is how diseases are transmitted.
Coughing should only be done behind locked doors, so the germs can't escape.
When having tea, make sure that the mug is rinsed, no one wants to know what you put in your body.
Wash your hands before, after and during every meal. that way the ingested germs will be clean.
If you must get better, do it slowly. nobody likes showoffs.
If you must get worse, do it quietly. nobody likes complainers.
Upon entering and leaving a room, make sure to throw salt over your shoulder. that way you know you still have a full range of motion.
Upon recovering fully, have a big meal. your body was just home to a lot of guests, you need to restock your cabinet.
Coughing should only be done behind locked doors, so the germs can't escape.
When having tea, make sure that the mug is rinsed, no one wants to know what you put in your body.
Wash your hands before, after and during every meal. that way the ingested germs will be clean.
If you must get better, do it slowly. nobody likes showoffs.
If you must get worse, do it quietly. nobody likes complainers.
Upon entering and leaving a room, make sure to throw salt over your shoulder. that way you know you still have a full range of motion.
Upon recovering fully, have a big meal. your body was just home to a lot of guests, you need to restock your cabinet.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Truth lives in us all.
"Testify!" cried the boy.
"But there was no wolf," guffawed the villagers.
The next day, the sheep were as the wind.
The boy nowhere to be found.
A note lay in the matted grass where he whiled away his days.
"test"
"But there was no wolf," guffawed the villagers.
The next day, the sheep were as the wind.
The boy nowhere to be found.
A note lay in the matted grass where he whiled away his days.
"test"
un-amicable divorce
bride by my side
smiles all around
bat in her hand
abuse is abound
the dream is gone
and done is done
smiles all around
bat in her hand
abuse is abound
the dream is gone
and done is done
Friday, August 28, 2009
To Add?
Please skip post this if you don't like gratuitous rants.
The act of adding someone as a "friend" has irked me since the very day I found out about Facebook. Really.
It seems that the line of who is friend and who is not is not blurred. It's just a colour that no one knows to look for. If it were a colour-blindness test, everyone would fail. There is such a thing as an acquaintance.
Why can't we all just get along is not the logical equivalent of let's all be friends.
So, why is this a problem? Really?
It's a problem because the definition of Friend is not the same as the definition of Acquaintance. That means that I can't, conscionably add people who are not my friends. Sure I can. But the line is invisible and no one knows to look for it. It means that I can't add someone who is an acquaintance because they might be just as nuts as I am and know the difference.
Oh woe is me when I log-on.
The act of adding someone as a "friend" has irked me since the very day I found out about Facebook. Really.
It seems that the line of who is friend and who is not is not blurred. It's just a colour that no one knows to look for. If it were a colour-blindness test, everyone would fail. There is such a thing as an acquaintance.
Why can't we all just get along is not the logical equivalent of let's all be friends.
So, why is this a problem? Really?
It's a problem because the definition of Friend is not the same as the definition of Acquaintance. That means that I can't, conscionably add people who are not my friends. Sure I can. But the line is invisible and no one knows to look for it. It means that I can't add someone who is an acquaintance because they might be just as nuts as I am and know the difference.
Oh woe is me when I log-on.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Trial and Error
What is, the American Justice System. (that's a questment (question/statement))
Trial AND Error.
We, as a folk, folly folk, people, tolerate the injustices doled out to us. The hem of a skirt not obeying gravity as it should. The air coming out of our tires, one molecule at a time, as if complaining of its constrain by the butyl, but more than complaining, exhaping (exhaling, escaping).
Left and right, injustices unfold our neatly folded opinions. They unfold before us and after us and around us. The opinion that the folly of the people is fair, that its fair unto the people. This is an injustice, not akin to the unwieldy skirt, but akin to the Hindenburg as it goes up--down--in flames.
Trial AND Error.
We, as a folk, folly folk, people, tolerate the injustices doled out to us. The hem of a skirt not obeying gravity as it should. The air coming out of our tires, one molecule at a time, as if complaining of its constrain by the butyl, but more than complaining, exhaping (exhaling, escaping).
Left and right, injustices unfold our neatly folded opinions. They unfold before us and after us and around us. The opinion that the folly of the people is fair, that its fair unto the people. This is an injustice, not akin to the unwieldy skirt, but akin to the Hindenburg as it goes up--down--in flames.
Legitimize
When the moon hits the eye like a big pizza pie, that's a simile.
Testify.
See previous post.
Testify.
See previous post.
Kwench?
Sarcastic remarks are those little nuggets of language that get two things accomplished. One is that they prove the superiority of the sarcastigator (instigator of sarcasm) and the other is that they admonish the receiver's behaviour or comment or question.
In a way, sarcasm is magical. A Harry-Potter-esque technique which slices through walls.
What's the point of this rant? It's here for those who've been sarcastrated (castrated by sarcasm) and don't know why. The point is that few people are searching for answers, and fewer people are finding them. Sarcasm quells the questioning need.
This reminds me of a story.
In a way, sarcasm is magical. A Harry-Potter-esque technique which slices through walls.
What's the point of this rant? It's here for those who've been sarcastrated (castrated by sarcasm) and don't know why. The point is that few people are searching for answers, and fewer people are finding them. Sarcasm quells the questioning need.
This reminds me of a story.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Back and Forth
"A few," started she.
"Bless you," interrupted I.
Thus, the evenings progressed. She ever to, and he ever fro.
"Bless you," interrupted I.
Thus, the evenings progressed. She ever to, and he ever fro.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Truly Affluent
In the animal kingdom, affluence is measured in ides.
The Lion is king, because of the pride in his pride.
The Giraffe is the oversight committee because he's a giraffe and takes the long strides.
The Zebra is the messenger because of his stripes (messengers always get it Slightly wrong).
The Mink is the opposition party, for he hides in his hide.
The Alligator is the savvy underdog, biding his time in the great divide.
And what of the idling house cat? Airs are not for him!
The Lion is king, because of the pride in his pride.
The Giraffe is the oversight committee because he's a giraffe and takes the long strides.
The Zebra is the messenger because of his stripes (messengers always get it Slightly wrong).
The Mink is the opposition party, for he hides in his hide.
The Alligator is the savvy underdog, biding his time in the great divide.
And what of the idling house cat? Airs are not for him!
Wedding Bells
With tea-in-lap, so carefully.
What a moment in the on-the-wing life of Ms. Who-goes-there-thout-me?-I'm-an-adventurer!
'Twas a giant of a fellow who could so effectively mellow, Ms. Goes-with-a-wheelbarrow!
In the cracks of his teeth, the giant man show-ed his true mettle, to Ms. I-refuse-to-be-settle!
He show-ed to her, with a Nile of a smile, all that she loathed, and abhorred, till she became Mrs. Betrothed-and-adored.
What a moment in the on-the-wing life of Ms. Who-goes-there-thout-me?-I'm-an-adventurer!
'Twas a giant of a fellow who could so effectively mellow, Ms. Goes-with-a-wheelbarrow!
In the cracks of his teeth, the giant man show-ed his true mettle, to Ms. I-refuse-to-be-settle!
He show-ed to her, with a Nile of a smile, all that she loathed, and abhorred, till she became Mrs. Betrothed-and-adored.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
To Want
A man once yearned for a yearnal. Alas, 'twas his earn'st that taught him no good. Now, he calmly awaits the yearnals.
Friday, April 24, 2009
The Man and His Deeply Astute Elephant
AE: How quiet is your thoughts?
TM: This is not troublesome for you? This copious misuse of the English language?
AE: No, your deflection of the question are what troublesome to me.
TM: This is not troublesome for you? This copious misuse of the English language?
AE: No, your deflection of the question are what troublesome to me.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Quiet On The Home Front
W. Lies dormant, for she is restless but when she rests. I sit asunder from myself--too long of an idea?--but only so that I may finish what is for tomorrow.
It is, indeed, all quiet here. But, I may add, that it is always quiet when I am nose-to-book, for hell itself, is slowly freezing over.
It is, indeed, all quiet here. But, I may add, that it is always quiet when I am nose-to-book, for hell itself, is slowly freezing over.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
S.B.C.U.
The Ebb and Flow of a group ride where no one thinks themselves fast, but is loathsome of being proven right. It goes, then faster, and the marionette strings are cut and they fall into their machines, finding that going faster is not a product of will and "lowness."
And then the After. Fanciful stories regale the crushed souls, sighs of desperation elate the "winners."
And then the After. Flowed away on a four-five-six shuttle, like they were never here. Their steeds returned to stable and awaiting anew, a new group.
And then the After. Fanciful stories regale the crushed souls, sighs of desperation elate the "winners."
And then the After. Flowed away on a four-five-six shuttle, like they were never here. Their steeds returned to stable and awaiting anew, a new group.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Old Profile Random Question
Random Question: Your hand has been replaced by a rubber stamp. What does it say?
The Operator's Office of Ordinance for the 17th Cavalry Unit of Cyclery, Defendry and Laundry!
The Operator's Office of Ordinance for the 17th Cavalry Unit of Cyclery, Defendry and Laundry!
Qualitative Analysis of the Simply Minded
Layers of lazy. They cost little or nothing. For one, they are repetitive, for two they are easily subdued with the promise of favour. Favour granted, favour garnered.
Word Demeanor
Dear,
Out of two words typed, one is considered, the other is included. That is how a story goes--hand-over-hand. That is how it was done when there was only one to tell the story and only once to tell it right.
That time "asymptotic" was used. Do you remember? It was graceful, unfulfilling of its own potential, how it approached what I really wanted to say, but only waved a passing hello. Asymptotic.
In that case, the two words considered: photographic, asymptotic. I kept the right one. The left one makes less sense. What sort of story is photographic?
yours
Out of two words typed, one is considered, the other is included. That is how a story goes--hand-over-hand. That is how it was done when there was only one to tell the story and only once to tell it right.
That time "asymptotic" was used. Do you remember? It was graceful, unfulfilling of its own potential, how it approached what I really wanted to say, but only waved a passing hello. Asymptotic.
In that case, the two words considered: photographic, asymptotic. I kept the right one. The left one makes less sense. What sort of story is photographic?
yours
Origins: Bad Puns
[Good] Quality time is the indulgence of one-self for as long as possible with as much as possible.
In the quiet, one may indulge one-self in several ways. One may sway one's foot left and right and about, but only be pondering the next key-stroke. One, if one is indulging one-self, will only sway foot to keep oneself awake, but then so is that the job of that ever-refilled cup of tea. One may also re-arrange the chairs, so that they match the carpet, fur at the hearth. As the moon slowly sinks one may also consider all the stars in the sky, and what they're doing flying at this hour.
As a last resort, if one is indulging one-self, one may also tell one-self bad puns, for they will eventually be realized and someone(else) will retort.
In the quiet, one may indulge one-self in several ways. One may sway one's foot left and right and about, but only be pondering the next key-stroke. One, if one is indulging one-self, will only sway foot to keep oneself awake, but then so is that the job of that ever-refilled cup of tea. One may also re-arrange the chairs, so that they match the carpet, fur at the hearth. As the moon slowly sinks one may also consider all the stars in the sky, and what they're doing flying at this hour.
As a last resort, if one is indulging one-self, one may also tell one-self bad puns, for they will eventually be realized and someone(else) will retort.
Morgan Hill "Lunch" Ride
The rain falls on us equally, but we are all falling, unequally, forward. As yellow follows green and red follows red, so a snake reigned on the roads of Morgan Hill. As the 7-teen of us streamed out of the doors, we all took shelter within the thought that we were all in the same tub (for it would be a boat if it was on the water, but what do you call it if the water is streaming in?). We also took shelter in our brightly-coloured rain jackets. But they were for a different kind of protection.
What Did The Man Say?
An evening of belly-ache and chair sitting, after a day of head-ache and BG-fitting.
----
What did the man say after 18 hours on a Pogo Stick? "It's Broken."
"Those two stories should be told together, Chuck," I said.
(About the man who broke the Pogo Stick in 18 hours and the one where a woman told him to visit her after he completes the RAAM and he rides back to see her)
When does something become impossible? When it hasn't been done yet.
Shred quietly, for you will wake your sleeping roommate with your thoughts of singletrack and your singletrack mind.
----
What did the man say after 18 hours on a Pogo Stick? "It's Broken."
"Those two stories should be told together, Chuck," I said.
(About the man who broke the Pogo Stick in 18 hours and the one where a woman told him to visit her after he completes the RAAM and he rides back to see her)
When does something become impossible? When it hasn't been done yet.
Shred quietly, for you will wake your sleeping roommate with your thoughts of singletrack and your singletrack mind.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Rods & Cones
Hell's Kitchen in a corridor. While Hell's reject plays his iPod in the front seat as if his face-melting music were like ice-cream (the quicker you lick it...).
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